Cocktails 4 oz Chardonnay white wine
2 oz banana liqueur
1 oz Absolut® vodka
1 cherry
Money
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When Abraham Liebowitz
gets to school he
discovers that he is the only
Jewish kid in the class. But it's a
decent town and nobody really
bothers
him.
One day the
teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who
ever
lived? and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar
bill
in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get
this
twenty
dollars".
All of the kids called out their
guesses.
One said "George Washington - because he was the father
of our
country."
"That's excellent" said the teacher.
Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves."
"That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an
excellent, but
still being polite.
One little girl said "Joan
of Arc - because she saved France."
Another excellent choice
said the teacher.
Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand.
nSo the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the
greatest
person who ever lived, and why?"
And Abraham said
"Jesus Christ."
The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm
very surprised.
Class,
I think we can all agree that Abraham
should get the twenty dollars."
And
she handed Abraham Liebowitz
the money.
At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she
asked Abraham
why
he said Jesus.
Abraham said "Look,
personally I think Moses was the greatest person
who
ever lived,
but... business is business!"
A jogger running down a country road
is
startled as a horse yells at him "Hey-come over hear buddy". The
jogger
is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing
and asks"Were you talking to me"? The horse replies"Sure was, man
I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this
farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it.
Why
don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me.
I'll
make you some money cause I can still run." The jogger
thought to
himself,"boy a talking horse" Dollar signs started appearing
in his head.
So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting
on the porch. The
jogger tells the farmer"Hey man I'll give you
$5,000 for that old
broken down nag you've got in the field". The
farmer replies"Son you
can't believe anything that horse says-He's
never even been to
Kentucky.
Woman: Why are you begging for a
quarter?
Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a
dollar.
A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill, requires only our silence, which costs nothing. John Tillotson
Abbott: Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third.
Costello: That's what I want to find out. Bud Abbott
Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them Voltaire