Cocktails 4 oz Chardonnay white wine
2 oz banana liqueur
1 oz Absolut® vodka
1 cherry
Money
Business
Information
A woman goes into a funeral home to make
arrangements
for her
husband's funeral. She tells the director
that she wants her husband
to be buried in a dark blue
suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black
suit
that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit
and gives him a blank
check to buy one.
When she comes back
for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin
and he is wearing a
beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how
much she loves the
suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't
cost anything. The funniest thing
happened. As soon as you left,
another corpse was brought in, this one
wearing a blue suit. I noticed
that they were about the same size, and
asked the other widow if she
would mind if her husband were buried in
a black suit. She said that
was fine with her. So... I switched the
heads."
Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth,
but don't worry it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how
much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $90.00.
Patient: $90.00 for just
a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you
like.
After the
fire-truck arrived at a
burning building in a small Spanish town, the
firemen observed a man
dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on
the roof. Four of
the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape
from the
burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and
loudly
proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing,
not even
fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept
prancing
around while repeating the same phrase over and over until
the firemen got
really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when
the flames began to
scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed
his mind, was ready to
jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his
body hurtled toward the
safety-net, the four firemen shouted,
"Ole!" and quickly moved it
aside.
A dollar saved is a quarter earned. Oscar Levant
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks. John Barrymore
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. Emo Phillips